Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Things I am not allowed to do in game.

#1: Not allowed to use Craft: Alchemy to make Meth.
#2: My Alchemist is to keep other players appraised of experiments he is performing on other players.
#3: The Witches familiar is not the "Emergency Food Supply"
#4: The following alignments are banned for any character I play: Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Evil, Lawful good.
#5: Not allowed to use sending spells to Rick Roll People.
#6: Stop calling the dwarven paladin's mount "Mr Baconater".
#7: Gnomes are not "good eating".
#8: There is no spell called "Bigby's middle finger".
#9: The primary purpose of the Alchemist class is not to create "natural male enhancement", that is not where the real gold is.
#10: Not allowed to celebrate the vanquishing of the Big Bad by getting a grill that says "PC life" on it.

#11: Throwing alchemist's fire down a one meter exhaust port will not cause a chain reaction that will destroy the dungeon.
#12: Craft: Alchemy is a privilege, not a right.
#13: Seoni was never a member of a Sorority.
#14: Its Anti Paladin, not bizzaro paladin.
#15: I am not allowed to grow a goatee, commit (more) evil acts, shave the beard and blame it on my evil twin from an alternate dimension.
#16: There is no such thing as magic duct tape.
#17: Paladins do not organize bum fights.
#18: Not allowed to do anything that causes me to giggle for more than five seconds.
#19: The party has no doppelganger Code.
#20: I have to tell the party I am instituting a doppelganger code before instituting one.
#21: Do not taunt the unspeakable ancient evil.
#22: Ewoks are not Chelax's one weakness.
#23: The exterminator will not spray for gnomes.
#24: There is now a two drink limit for gaming.
#25: Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
#26: Drinks must be normal sized.
#27: Using the leadership feat as a source of catapult ammunition is both inefficient and destructive to your leadership score.
#28: Dice roll results are not open to interpretation.
#29: Delivering touch spells is no excuse to grope other player characters.
#30: Asmodeus does not have a really effeminate southern accent.
#31: No converting Rainbow Bright to Pathfinder rules.
#32: Victory dances after killing the big bad guy with a lucky crit are in poor taste.
#33: I do not have to wait for the results of the congressional subcommittee on dice before I roll a skill check.
#34: Summon AM BARBARIAN is not a spell.
#35: Gay Marriage did not cause the Worldwound.
#36: While you are allowed to take the Skill Craft: Role Playing games in game, you are not allowed to run role playing games inside the role playing game you are playing.
#37: Suggesting to Shop owners that if they do not pay a "protection fee" there might be a Paladin/anti-paladin battle in their neighborhood is not proper paladiny conduct.
#38: I do not get extra experience for especially witty "your momma" jokes.
#39: Being out of the box is a privilege, not a right.
#40: Not all problems can be solved with fire.
#41: There is no such thing as a magic pogo stick.
#42: There is no such thing as a magic potato gun.
#43: There is no way to tell if you are wearing a thong in full plate armor, so it does not provide a bonus to seduction checks.
#44: Gnomes are not to be referred to as "Golarian mine detectors".
#45: The lower planes are not known for its generous return policy.
#46: A funky cold Medena has no challenge rating.
#47: Wearing a speedo to game will not attract female gamers to our table.
#48: There is no such thing as a magic segway.
#49: Have to get fellow heroes permission before marketing stuffed animals, dolls or biographies in their image.
#50: I do not have a theme song that plays in the background when its my turn.
#51: I cannot trade girl scout cookies for experience.
#52: "Cleanse it with fire" is not a universal all purpose solution.
#53: Not allowed to put a red racing stripe on the group's Wagon and travel around the country as mercenaries righting wrongs.
#54: Like McDonalds, a shirt, shoes and pants are required to game at our table.
#55: It puts the soap on its skin or else it does not game with us again.
#56: There is no feat called Weapon Proficiency: familiar
#57: When Buying Gear for the party I am not allowed to use their funds to buy two things for three times the price.
#58: I do not decide the color scheme for the party.
#59: Paladins do not hold the city hostage or go on strike.
#60: There is no Paladin's Union.
#61: I will wait until I and an independent party have verified that all food stores have been lost or consumed before resorting to cannibalism.
#62: Casting Shatter on the Alchemist is not quickest way to light the campfire.
#63: Catapults are not a means of travel.
#64: Not allowed to make a monkey my familiar just so I can teach it to smoke.
#65: I am only allowed to handle my own rations.
#66: Nobody wants to buy a magic snuggie.
#67: The important NPC is not the one with the big golden exclamation point over his head.
#68: You are not the Bard's agent and you are not entitled to 10% of his WBL.
#69: The spell "fireball" is not also known as "Evoker's Knock".
#70: Potions are not delivered in colonic form.

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